Before I became a Christian back in 2015, I thought of me as a selfless person. I posted selfless sounding things on social media, I gave stuff to poor people, I had “good feelings” toward those suffering and if someone had asked me for the shirt off of my back, I likely would have given it to them.

Looking back, I realize that I was not as wonderful as I thought, but selfish just like every other human on the planet. Today, I am still a selfish person. What’s different now is that my inward concern is painfully obvious to me. Having read God’s word, I now have a horribly truthful mirror constantly in front of my face.

I love myself more than I should, but with my handy mirror I can successfully war against my sin.

Having Caleb in my life is a constant reminder, which I might not otherwise have, that I need to look in my mirror and strive to emulate Jesus. The pain I cause my husband when I love myself more than I love him causes me to think deeply about what is in my heart. It brings me back to my knees at Jesus’ feet in search of a tender heart to replace my heart of stone.

What does this look like when applied? It looks like

• working to forgive Caleb instead of shaming him when he hurts me
• having sincere respect for his opinions and desires that are in opposition to mine
• making sure that I understand him when he speaks to me instead of blowing him off if I’m not in the mood to listen
• ensuring that we are unified in our decisions before I move into action
• waking up early in the morning to make his breakfast and lunch even though I’m tired and I know he could make it himself
• letting him have the last piece of bacon

I die to myself every day for this person, though not every time I should, and it forces me to lean heavily on the man who saved my soul and judges my heart, Jesus.

“Christianity is war. But not against other religions or even our most hostile enemies. We wage war against our own sin.” – John Piper

God, please give me a new spirit! Remove from me my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh. – Ezekiel 36:26